dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
