quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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