she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
