Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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