i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
