I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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