well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
