that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
