Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
