puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
