it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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