I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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