When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
