Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
