The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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