Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
