So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
