There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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