lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
