I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
