I just pynch a tree in the face
Do vagina's smell?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
