the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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