you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
