Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
