i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
