is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
