Umm I'm too high to move.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
