Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
