1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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