That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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