everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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