sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
