Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
