so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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