I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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