shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
