Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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