i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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