So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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