will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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