Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
