i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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