giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
