Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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