the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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