I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
