I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
