I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
