I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
