Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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