I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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