My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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