She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
